so one thing about learning you require a major surgery that could potentially kill you?
it tends to leave you a bit...i don't know. depressed? is that the right term here? you know, where all you want to do is sleep? or be drunk.
since yesterday, i haven't slept well. i am exhausted. i didn't go to creative team tonight, i just didn't want to see anyone, deal with anyone. i stayed home and watched veronica mars (which, by the way, i love and adore so very much). this morning i woke up on the couch after i fell asleep watching veronica mars and drinking. i don't remember much of it, i was pretty drunk. i think i may have tried to call a few people. to those poor souls i apologize. anyway. so here i am, depressed as all get out, about to crack open another sam adams cherry wheat and i am well into veronica mars season two. all i want to do is sleep, watch tv, and forget that the world exists. is that too much to ask here?
Yes, sure, i'm being dramatic blah blah blah. if you didn't want to know how i felt about things than why are you here, reading this? this is how i feel. this is how my brain works. deal with it.
i am supposed to go see the cardiologist on the sixth, then meet with the second surgeon after that. i talked to a couple of people today who gave me some very valuable information regarding all of this and good area doctors, so that at least gives me a bit of peace.
but, generally, i'm back in the pit. down in the hole and trying to get out. forget that people i thought i was becoming friends with have gone poof, that's just another coal in the fire. no, my general depression, anxiety, and wonderous, wonderous panic attacks all center around being knocked out on an operating table for eight hours.
my palms are itching. that's an issue.
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