nerves/nervous

so i'm generally quite introverted. don't play well with others, quiet, low self esteem, etc etc etc. i generally just say, "yeah, i don't do well with people." IT'S TRUE AND YOU KNOW IT.
tomorrow night (or tonight, yikes, it's after 2 AM!) i will be working two merch shifts and photography at our very first large scale fundraiser for the league. (If you are on Facebook, YOU KNOW I INVITED YOU RIGHT. WHY HAVEN'T YOU RSVP'D? DO IT. HERE IS THE EVENT PAGE.) oh and did i mention that i signed up to arm wrestle people as a 'dare' type thing? no, seriously. maybe i'll go pump some iron in the morning.
so i'm hoping and praying that i will be able to come out of my shell, do what i need to do, chat and whatnot, help the group of ladies that i've come to adore. behind me sits a pile of half finished merch bits, because i so want to get some funds raised!! :)
speaking of fundraising. I have signed up myself (and the league is supporting me, our team page is here) to participate in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention walk in September. i really, really hope i can raise money for a cause that has become so important to me. six months ago i just wanted to die. now i want to help people that are in that same place i was. i'm trying to work out with my church to do a service based around depression/feelings of low self worth/suicide that is also during that week (National Suicide Prevention Week is from September 4-10, focusing on World Suicide Prevention Day on September 10, the day of the walk). i've even thought of a creative element or two to use. this is something that is hugely important to me. my surgery will be in august, but i will do that route in a wheelchair. this means so much to me i cannot even begin to express it fully.
speaking of surgery (i think all paragraphs are going to start that way here), things are starting to solidify. today i had nerve testing done (basically first he prods you and shocks you, then he shoves needles in your legs and wiggles them around. it's so very pleasant, really). two years ago when i first had it done, it came back normal. now? significant nerve damage in my left leg. no kids, we are not going to blame derby. we are going to blame me. i was scared of surgery, have been for a while, so i let it get to this point. my doctor told me two years ago that i needed this but i didn't want to hear it. stupid younger me.
i finally got things settled with the second surgeon, i see him tomorrow afternoon. then monday i have a follow up with my first surgeon. hopefully, hopefully HOPEFULLY i can get things squared up and scheduled by the end of next week. the office manager said we are now looking at august. blargh. i just want this thing over.
you know, i want to pour this resin, but the backing coat won't frakking dry. i need this stuff all done and cured by tomorrow night...
i'll wait til 3. maybe i'll watch some netflix or something.