falling down the rabbit hole.

Last night Chris and I watched The Invention of Lying. While yes, it was an amusing movie, it also really bothered me. It basically stated that God, Heaven? All lies. I realize that it is just a work of fiction and Ricky Gervais is a hard core atheist. But it still rubbed me the wrong way. My faith is still very new, plus my own issues with death and Heaven that I am still working through. I don't want to falter. So all in all, wasn't a fan of the film (we watched The Hangover the other night. THAT I liked).

When we went to go to bed, it happened. Something I've been dreading. I didn't manage to fall asleep right away. My mind went right to the place it fears most: death.

I started to think. What if it all really is a lie? What if there is no Heaven, that we are all destined to an eternity of blackness? That we just stop existing? I started to think about Mike. My chest started to tighten, I started sobbing. The panic attack was coming. Before I lost it completely, I began to pray.

I prayed for Mr & Mrs Anderson. I prayed for Nils and David. I prayed for Chris, Jimmy, and Patrick. Serina and Cristina. The people of Waianae who loved Mike so much. I prayed for Mike himself. Then I think I prayed for peace within my own soul, for sleep. I'm not entirely sure. But the next thing I knew it was morning. I prayed myself to sleep. Kind of a neat feeling.