Cracked Walls - Part 2 (Day 2)

Somehow I maintain the façade.
A joke. A smile.
“You don’t look like you belong.”
But I close my eyes
And swallow it all away.
Until it is pressed down
As far as it will go.
And smile.


- facade -
(this was written about five minutes after
the conversation actually happened. The
conversation was with an art therapist at
the hospital.)

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let me out
I want to cry
I want to scream
I want to run
go leave disappear
fade into the walls
where they can’t find
my weaknesses
where they can’t see
my pain
where I can hide
breathe, breathe
until I feel calm
until I can put the mask back up
so I can hide…

…stop stop stop stop stop moving stop pacing stop fidgeting they will keep you crazy crazy crazy it will get worse lock you up throw away the keys keys keys falling apart tumbling down just breathe the thoughts race the heart pounds the palms sweat wanting to go wanting to run.

- manic/mania -
(this was written during a very difficult manic period.)